So you finally found a man who doesn’t absolutely suck. After a couple of months of dating, you finally stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and realize that you are actually in a healthy relationship.
Your fairy-tale prince may have arrived, but your “happily ever after” won’t always unfold like a Disney dream.
But, don’t fear. Not everything about being in a healthy relationship is “good,” — these are six bad signs your relationship is actually pretty great.
You have five extra pounds that just won’t go away.
It doesn’t matter where you were in your fitness goals prior to meeting your one and only. Whether you are ripped like a god or soft and sexy, you can expect your normal weight to be about five pounds heavier, regardless of who you are and how much you try to get it off.
You probably still work out about as much as you did before, but the hunger to be sexy for the next pool party has been replaced with an appetite for brownies in bed. You may scold yourself for not being as stringent about your health and fitness, but not enough to actually give a damn when your boyfriend wants to stay in and order pizza.
He seems to love you, so a little more of you can only be a good thing.
You lose all of your party friends.
When you were single, you had your close group of friends, and then you had the kind of friends who were more like single allies who were off the dating roster and on the brunch list. You liked them, they liked you, but your relationship didn’t go much farther past dissing your ex-boyfriends and drinking mimosas.
As you progress in your domestic bliss, you notice that you are no longer getting funny text messages from your drinking buddies or as many invites to parties. Let’s face it, you aren’t as much fun to be around anymore. Or maybe it’s because you aren’t as desperate as you were when you were single. Either way, your social circle has been reduced to the people who show up to the important things and for whom distance or domesticity doesn’t affect the bond you have.
You have become “that couple.”
Remember when you were single and you and your friends would make fun of all the annoying things that couples do? You all swore that you would never do whatever they were doing when you found a relationship and vowed to always stay true to your single-boy manifesto, no matter how smitten you may be.
Slowly but surely, you have broken every single rule, committed every last faux pas, and for a second you feel like you have let down the ghost of your single past. It is usually when you realize that every Facebook profile picture is of the two of you and you realize, “OMG, we are that couple.”
Then you upload that selfie of the two of you kissing anyway. Who cares.
You are hairier, smellier, and generally not as well-groomed.
Whether you are an immaculately trimmed or a rough-around-the-edges kind of guy, you can expect your general hygiene to occasionally take a turn for the worse. When you were single, you were constantly interested in how people perceived you, including how you smelled, how you looked, and how sexually appetizing the haircut of your nether regions was.
But if you are in a good relationship, your preoccupation with your perception will slowly lose its grip. Next thing you know, you are headed to breakfast without a shower, with no deodorant, and in last night’s clothing. Of course you clean yourself up at all the important times, but who cares if you smell a little funky when you know the one man who matters the most doesn’t care at all.
Your favorite breakup anthems lose their luster.
The angry pop power ballad was on repeat in your car, in the gym, and when you were getting ready to hit the town. These songs were always there to help get over the breakups, the bad dates, and the seemingly hopeless moments of your single life. But lately they just don’t pack the punch they once did, and you left to find a new musical muse.
All of the music about unrequited love or the one that got away, the boy who did you wrong and how he will live to regret it, now only serves as a reminder of how you used to feel. But there you are, sweating on the treadmill trying to get into one of your go-to-fuck-you jams and it just isn’t working. You inner angry girl is gone.
Maybe you should try an audiobook or something.
You are officially “boring.”
Sure, you and your boyfriend can still hang with the best of them every once in a while. But the next morning, after waking with the kind of hangover that movies are made of, you suddenly remember why it had been so long since the last time you hit up the bars. You now enjoy going to sleep early and you can appreciate the early morning hours of Saturday and Sunday sans headache. The nightlife has lost its appeal now that you are no longer on the hunt for your next conquest.
There may be times that you miss chasing the high of flirting with a new face or a night of hot, casual sex, but you sure as shit don’t miss the comedowns that followed.
So maybe you are now “boring,” if boring means happy and drama-free.